Unpack your life, and stop waiting.
The last few weeks I have been plagued by things literally trying to slow me down.
My hard drive on my computer, cars driving in front of me SO slow, people at the supermarket check-outbefore me, my son walking slower than ever, my body as it gets more and more fatigued, my brain as it becomes less and less productive.
And so today, as I stood picking roses in our garden with my son, it suddenly hit me;
I spend most of my time impatiently waiting.
I think this could be one of the most important blogs i've written to date. It's a little scary for me to admit that I don't always have my shit together. That I don't always live in the moment. I mean, i'm a meditation teacher! But this realisation was too big not to share.
Because, I realise in fact, I have spent most of my life waiting for something.
Waiting to grow up, leave home, finish University, go traveling, find love, start a family, get pregnant, heal a broken heart, get divorced.
And now I spend everyday waiting for Flynn; to get ready, finish eating (he takes SO long!), finish playing, get in the bath, go to sleep!
I feel like I am just waiting for that day when I can unpack my life and feel totally ok with everything just as it is.
And then I look and see, everywhere around me the very same thing;
women dreaming their lives away, waiting.
Waiting to be thinner, happier, healthier, smarter, sassier, safer, riskier; with someone, without someone, earning more, working less.
Wishing that they were something other than everything they are. Caught in the abundance trap of dreaming up wild and improbable miracles and loosing touch with the very moment they are in.
I don’t say this lightly. I speak it from my heart because I too am, in all honesty,
this woman also.
At the moment I have more bad days than good;
I want to be richer, happier, healthier, funnier, achieving more, being more, stressing less.
(And yet I know all the tips and tricks and secrets to the awakening LOL!!)
When I was stuck in the pit of my break-up/break-down, I realised just how much I missed joy.
I missed smiling.
I missed the beauty of looking at a rose and being awed by its graceful splendour.
I missed laughing with relaxed ease with my son.
I missed watching him sleep; and the simple wonder of his breathing, growing, spectacular being in that peaceful moment.
I lost the ability to see the beauty in everyday life; to experience beautiful moments in every thing and everywhere.
Pain had swallowed me whole.
And so I made a vow to myself that when Pain spat me out again, the first thing I was going to restore was everyday simple pleasures.
But it wasn’t the first thing I did.
When I came out of the darkness there was a child waiting for his mama and arrears waiting to be paid.
“Real life’ knocked on my door with a loud bang and scared away the beautiful dreams and made all the roses righten their buds.
And now, 18 months on, despite it being something that I teach all my clients, I realised that I have just swapped trauma survival for entrepreneurial survival! I am on a constant drive to show up, stand out and be there all the time.
I am once again waiting.
Waiting to earn more, finish studying, find a mentor, meet a client, write my book.
Waiting for my hard drive to speed up and my brain to slow down!
And so today I just thought - STOP ALREADY.
Unpack your life Mary, exactly where you are, and stop waiting.
So why am I telling you all this?
Because dear beautiful souls, I want you all to stop waiting too.
I want you all to unpack your beautiful lives just as they are and
start to love the life you live right now.
Put down that case that you have packed for the train to your ‘perfect life’,
stop staring at the arrivals board and instead -
let your case and all its messiness spill out right there on the platform called ‘now’.
We can all dream. In fact we MUST dream in order to keep evolving.
But desiring something better in your future, cannot come at the cost
of denying where you are right here and now.
Sometimes we can get so caught up in the chase of the dream, that we forget the very present moment that we are in.
One of the most profoundly healing things that iRest Yoga Nidra taught me was the gift of welcoming everything just as it is.
The pain, the frustrations, the anger, the sorrow, the debt, the worries, the loneliness, the crazy exhaustion of being a single parent - if we can welcome it all just as it is, we realise just how much living there is do in amongst all that angst.
“Sometimes letting go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on”
There is tremendous empowerment in welcoming our biggest fears.
As soon as we turn to them and say - “OK, I hear you, see you, come on in”. They stop screaming so loud. Much like the toddler crying for attention.
And so today I resolve to unpack my life, as incomplete as it feels, and just breathe out a big, long, deep sigh. And I invite you to do the same.
Then I ask you luxuriate in one of those wild and improbable dreams that you have; and then immediately think of one thing in this present moment that you are so grateful for you would even pass up the dream just to have this one moment.
For unless we can find one thing, ONE THING that makes our heart expand with such love and greatness and gratitude right here and now, even on the shittiest of days, all the wild and improbable dreams of the future will not bring you one ounce of joy or fulfilment.
There is beauty all around us, inviting us every moment to share in the wonder of simply being.
We do not need to wait for anything.
Everything you need in any given moment, is already here. And if I could wish for anything, it would be that each and everyone of us know, and remember this with the fullest of hearts, everyday.
So this week I invite you to take 5 mins daily to fantasize about that beautiful vision you have, coupled with the simple practise of being grateful for something beautifully simple, and indispensable, in your life - and let me know how it feels to have unpacked and just be living right where you are!
Until next week, Beautiful souls. Thank you for being here.